Friday, December 4, 2015

PTSD Anxiety and Depression Journey

Part of my journey ..............

9:05am Thursday the 3rd of December 2015

I have just put down a brew, stripped and made the bed, seen Karen off to her job club and I am hot, sweaty and panicky. Why, you may ask?

It started as my arm spasmed while holding a 5 litre container of water. The spasms and hands shaking are not unusual however this time my mind went back to a recruitment officer who suggested that if I continued mowing lawns on a regular basis the spasms would stop. I just needed to exercise more.

He reported back to my Workcover case worker that I was being uncooperative and lacking any desire to return to work. I was sent a letter from Workcover requesting I attend a meeting to address the issue of my attitude and reluctance to return to work.

Fortunately my Doctor and Psychologist insisted that this was not the case.

The whole drama I have relived many times.
This is just a minute part of the whole picture.

9:45am Thursday the 3rd of December 2015 

The trouble with reliving an event like what I experienced earlier is that it then regurgitates other memories bringing them to the surface. I think I need a nap.

10:45am Thursday the 3rd December 2015

I have finally settled down from this morning’s panic attack.
It is strange how one can forget the things that have changed in life. I drink from bottles because that is easier than drinking out of a glass. I have 2/3 of a cup of tea as when I shake I spill most of it. Even eating can be a struggle, try eating peas with the shakes I have got. Of course I don’t shave as much as would like too, I have to pick the right moment. Such is life, then they hang you.

11:00am Thursday the 3rd December 2015

I am having my first beer and although it is earlier than I would like I am pleased that I waited until I calmed down before having one when I would have had one straight away.
I am however still a tad on edge due to starting early.

Author Steve Boddey
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