Part of my journey ..............
9:05am Thursday the 3rd of December 2015
I have just put down a brew, stripped and made the bed, seen Karen off to her job club and I am hot, sweaty and panicky. Why, you may ask?
It started as my arm spasmed while holding a 5 litre container of water. The spasms and hands shaking are not unusual however this time my mind went back to a recruitment officer who suggested that if I continued mowing lawns on a regular basis the spasms would stop. I just needed to exercise more.
He reported back to my Workcover case worker that I was being uncooperative and lacking any desire to return to work. I was sent a letter from Workcover requesting I attend a meeting to address the issue of my attitude and reluctance to return to work.
Fortunately my Doctor and Psychologist insisted that this was not the case.
The whole drama I have relived many times.
This is just a minute part of the whole picture.
9:45am Thursday the 3rd of December 2015
The trouble with reliving an event like what I experienced earlier is that it then regurgitates other memories bringing them to the surface. I think I need a nap.
10:45am Thursday the 3rd December 2015
I have finally settled down from this morning’s panic attack.
It is strange how one can forget the things that have changed in life. I drink from bottles because that is easier than drinking out of a glass. I have 2/3 of a cup of tea as when I shake I spill most of it. Even eating can be a struggle, try eating peas with the shakes I have got. Of course I don’t shave as much as would like too, I have to pick the right moment. Such is life, then they hang you.
11:00am Thursday the 3rd December 2015
I am having my first beer and although it is earlier than I would like I am pleased that I waited until I calmed down before having one when I would have had one straight away.
I am however still a tad on edge due to starting early.
Author Steve Boddey