Carry on up the Duff

Is there anybody there?" said the Traveller,
Knocking on the moonlit door,
The red light fllashed right at him,
Like every time before!

Whitesnakes do it better ........ In a den of iniquity

It's all in the name.

A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said,"I want to be a movie star."Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had all the `Right' credentials.

The agent asked, "What's your name?" The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian." The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood , you are going to have to change your name.""I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever!"The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years....you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'mtelling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you."

"So be it! I guess we will not do business together" the guy said and he left the agent's office.

FIVE YEARS LATER... The agent opens an envelope sent to his office.
Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him $ 50,000? He reads the letter enclosed...
"Dear Sir,
Five years ago, I came into your office wanting tobecome an actor in Hollywood , you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You toldme I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian.

After I left your office, I thought long and hard about what you had said. I decided you were quite right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed up with another agent. There is no doubt that I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.

Thank you for your advice.



Sincerely,


Dick van Dyke


Whitesnakes do it better ............. Pass the Tui's

Wooden Leg

A man and his wife, moved back home to Wellington, from Sydney.
The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in Sydney was $2000.00 a year!
When they arrived in Wellington, they went to an insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure.
The agent looked it up on the computer and said to the couple, '$39.00.'
The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in Wellington to insure, because it cost him $2000.00 in Sydney!
The agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, 'Well, here it is on the screen, it says:
*Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it is $39.00.*


Whitesnakes do it better ...why wooden they?

get hold of your feelings,
take hold of your pain,
same way, same mistakes,
won't be happening again.
testing the waters,
of what went on before,
reliving the moments,
life's open door.
heart ache and sorrow,
follow the heart,
worry and trouble,
tear it apart.
hide in my shadow,
i 'll sink in your skin,
the happiness beckons
like a rainbow rising.
look to tomorrow,
as a new day it breaks,
smile at the rain clouds,
whatever it takes.
rock and roll me,
words from the wise,
tonight no soul is grieveing,
wonder if you realise.
take hold of my hand,
no, don't ask me why,
your silent words,
they just make me cry.
hunger and thirst,
is it really a sin,
what of the feelings?
burning within.
i look every where,
seeking a friend,
no one does it better,
than you in the end.

Steve Boddey June 2009

Carry on Keithy!

"The red rose whispers of passion,
And the white rose breathes of love,
But nothing spoils ya day,
When the skies open from above!



Whitesnakes do it ........................better when ya so quick.

It's a disease! Spoonrythmitus

Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion.
Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling shot.
At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered.

The sugly isters were right bugly astards..
One was called Mary Hinge, and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible huckers; they had fetty sweet and fatty swannies.

The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let Rindercella go. Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared.

Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian.
She turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks.

The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight otherwise, there would be a cucking falamity.
At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when suddenly the clock struck twelve "Mist all chucking frighty!!!" said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks, so dropping her slass glipper.

The very next day, the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door and the sugly isters let him in.. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let off a fig bart.
"Who's fust jarted?" asked the prandsome hince.
"Blame that fugly ucker over there!!" said Mary Hinge.
When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk.
Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and a hig bard on.
He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly.
Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married.
The pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a follen swanny!

Mant thanks to Ronnie Barker and Andrea for bringing this to my attention.

Whitesnakes do i better................. LMAO!

Carry on with a Curry

Now toilet sitting , you contemplated,
The half eaten curry, you under rated,
you would have understood me,
Had you waited!

Footnote...........Vindaloo translated ............In da loo

Whitesnakes do it better....... with a wipe of the bum!