Monday, December 7, 2015

Anxiety Central

I have been suffering anxiety for quite a long time. It now appears to be a constant companion that I have grown accustom to having around so therefore have adapted, unintentionally my mindset so I don’t pick up the warning signs.

Each sufferer of anxiety etc has their own triggers, warning signs as well as ways of coping or even not coping. For the last few weeks I have been left alone with no pressure to find work so my anxiety levels have remained constant.

I have been put on different anxiety tablets with the only effect I have felt is tiredness and sleeping longer as well as dreaming more often.

I am finding it challenging to maintain a continual improvement in reducing my alcohol intake, however small improvements are certainly better than none.

A small note in my journal is made every morning. I try to write as much as I can remember about what I achieved, what I dreamt and how I am feeling. It is a long slow process.

My challenge is to accept that I cannot change as quickly as I would like, therefore releasing self imposed pressure on myself to reach my goals promptly. Hopefully this will ease some of my anxiety levels.

CBT tomorrow, we shall see what that brings.

Author Steve Boddey

Friday, December 4, 2015

PTSD Anxiety and Depression Journey

Part of my journey ..............

9:05am Thursday the 3rd of December 2015

I have just put down a brew, stripped and made the bed, seen Karen off to her job club and I am hot, sweaty and panicky. Why, you may ask?

It started as my arm spasmed while holding a 5 litre container of water. The spasms and hands shaking are not unusual however this time my mind went back to a recruitment officer who suggested that if I continued mowing lawns on a regular basis the spasms would stop. I just needed to exercise more.

He reported back to my Workcover case worker that I was being uncooperative and lacking any desire to return to work. I was sent a letter from Workcover requesting I attend a meeting to address the issue of my attitude and reluctance to return to work.

Fortunately my Doctor and Psychologist insisted that this was not the case.

The whole drama I have relived many times.
This is just a minute part of the whole picture.

9:45am Thursday the 3rd of December 2015 

The trouble with reliving an event like what I experienced earlier is that it then regurgitates other memories bringing them to the surface. I think I need a nap.

10:45am Thursday the 3rd December 2015

I have finally settled down from this morning’s panic attack.
It is strange how one can forget the things that have changed in life. I drink from bottles because that is easier than drinking out of a glass. I have 2/3 of a cup of tea as when I shake I spill most of it. Even eating can be a struggle, try eating peas with the shakes I have got. Of course I don’t shave as much as would like too, I have to pick the right moment. Such is life, then they hang you.

11:00am Thursday the 3rd December 2015

I am having my first beer and although it is earlier than I would like I am pleased that I waited until I calmed down before having one when I would have had one straight away.
I am however still a tad on edge due to starting early.

Author Steve Boddey

Sunday, November 29, 2015

Time To Go Isis

I would like to share my view on the ISIS situation.

In the name of Allah what the hell do you think you are doing by trying to frighten innocent people and killing them with explosive devices that have elements of pork gelatine in them? I thought Muslims didn’t have anything to do with pork?

Were you not aware that all ammunition in the world has some kind of pork based gelatin manufactured into it? I think there will be quite a few wanted to be martyrs who will be a tad annoyed knowing you hadn’t informed them of this fact before they let off their suicide bombs.

As for vestal virgins I think in today’s world there wouldn’t be too many that are of an appropriate age. Oh wait you don’t care do you? So we can add paedophilia to your resume and we know how well that goes down in society these days.

So let us look at what you have achieved; you have brought the Christian and Muslim worlds closer together not forgetting the whole world. Awaiting you when your turn to die comes around will be all those suicide bombers who thought they were doing things in the name of Allah and are still fuming about the missing virgins.

No doubt Allah himself will not be too pleased that you took the teachings of Islam and twisted it to suit your own idealisms that are in no way shape or form related to the Muslim faith.

The more you try to imprint your ideals onto the rest of us the more we will unite and become stronger in our endeavour to rid the world of groups like yours. There is no place on this planet for people like you.

Sooner rather than later, just like the Nazis, you will be defeated and the Muslim and Christian people will be better off for it.

Author Steve Boddey

Monday, November 23, 2015

Anxiety and Moving Forward

I suffer PTSD chronic depression and anxiety I have sort out professional help and it is on going. Due to government requirements there is only so much the people who are helping can do.

After discussions with my therapist we talked about anxiety paradox. Simply put, I am trying to do too many things at once placing a lot of pressure on myself to achieve my goals quickly. This all stems partly from my empathy and professional attitude towards getting things done.

We or rather I decided to stop or try to stop becoming overly concerned about under achieving (by MY standards) and concentrate on getting back on track and looking at the positives of where I am at and how far I have come. Although I have only attempted doing this for a couple of weeks my wife and I have noticed that I deal with issues a lot better two slip ups and only minor increase in anxiety which in turn effected my efforts to reduce drinking only marginally.

I would usually be quite annoyed with myself, however I realise that what I am suffering from and what I want to achieve is going to take time.

Author Steve Boddey

Sunday, November 22, 2015

New Zealand Migrant Service Bans Christmas

Ok here we go again the Auckland Regional Migrant Service (Arms) has decided not to use the word Christmas as it doesn’t want migrants to feel excluded.

Christmas gets the heave ho is a deliberate attack on the Christian community and taking the lets not upset anyone society a step to far.

Dame Susan Devoy the Human Rights Commissioner states "Arms uses language that will encompass and include everyone: it is not designed to exclude any one."
Oh but it does, it excludes those who use the word Christmas!

The Anglican Dean of Auckland the Rev Jo Kelly-Moore suggests that people should be looking into the REAL message of the Christmas greeting "one of hope, peace, joy and love" in these troubled times.

As a Christian, I follow the meaning behind Christmas and I try to live by it not just one day a year but everyday.

Were these migrants not aware that New Zealand is a Christian country?

How can anyone be upset with the word Christmas? I don't celebrate Diwali nor Ramadan nor many other festive celebrations yet my Christmas, my festive event is stained with the ignorance of organisations trying to appease a few who should really be trying to integrate with New Zealand culture not the other way round.

Next they will be targeting Easter!

Author Steve Boddey

Friday, November 20, 2015

NZ Government Disregard For Its Own People

It never ceases to amaze me how governments can make cuts to important areas such as health, education and the police yet can waste millions on trivial things or areas such as changing a flag or taking in refugees.

When the budget for feeding prisoners is higher than the budget for feeding a countries service personal, there is a clear message being sent that those in power have mismanaged the countries finances.

When cuts are made claiming there is a need to save money then $25 million can be found to change a flag (and that is just the start) something is rotten in the governments house.

Of course this happens in every country and we the people sit back and take it.

The most disappointing thing is when refugees enter a country and receives better treatment; get better benefits than the countries own beneficiaries there is a serious flaw in the system.

We need to look after our own first and then try taking on others.

Author Steve Boddey

Monday, November 16, 2015

Islam and Christianity #westandasone

What now for this world of ours?

While we all are appalled by the cowardly attacks in Paris it is time we all stood up as one. The aim of these weak and misguided cretins is to divide and conquer, using the basic human trait, fear.

It is time all religious communities stood up together as one, especially the Muslim community. If I were of the Islamic faith I would be pretty pissed off that my religion was being falsely used as a scapegoat to kill and maim innocent people.

The sad thing about these attacks is non Muslims will now be overly fearful of the majority of decent Muslims. This is exactly what these terrorists want.

I am tired of hearing what the Western world thinks I want the Islamic community to lead the way to rid the world of these abusers of Islam.

We must stand as one!

Author Steve Boddey


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