Dear Michael

 

I am writing this as a way of expressing how I felt and looked at my life whilst you were growing up and not being part of your earlier years. 

When one watches those programs about lost family or friends etc you often hear that saying "Not a day goes by when I don't think of them" how I wish it were true for me but no not every day but quite a few. 

You were, however, always in the back of my mind especially at family time, birthdays, Christmas and Easter. 

The five months I was with your mother two things I do not regret, having you and the life's lessons I learnt from the time I spent with her. I was a lost soul, continually searching for I have no idea what. I did try to keep in touch but that became difficult as I was told you were moving around a lot.

When you were about 6/7 years old child support suggested I should have shared custody. It was around this time I had a work injury and was in a battle with Workcover regarding the said injury. I was seeing a psychologist at the time and I mentioned the child support situation. Our thinking at the time was simply if I were to come into your life at that time the effect on you would not be the ideal one, hence I stayed in the background.

As you turned 14/15 that is the time I started thinking about you more and more. 

In January, your birthday and Australia Day (family time) February there is Valentine's day (does my boy have a girlfriend?) Along comes March to September (Footy season) and in a few of those months was your stepsisters birthday, Easter and several other family events. October there is Halloween, November is Guy Fawkes, and December another stepsisters birthday, Christmas and of course New Year's Eve and so we begin again. 

I always wondered if you were happy.

I guess I actually did think of you quite often now that I have written it down. There are many other things I want to say but cannot find the words, maybe leave it for another time.

Love Dad