Anxiety Wars

I mentioned in another post that I was first diagnosed with anxiety/depression back in 1999 although it was probably earlier but I didn’t know or understand what was going on.

Anxiety simply put, is the result of pre-empting events or situations that have not happened or believing something is or will happen that may or may not be true.

In my case I use the example of my hands shaking. I go to take my card out to pay for goods and the checkout operator will look at me. Imagine being given change when you hand over cash.

My mind starts worrying about what people must be thinking. I feel embarrassed and ashamed which only adds to the problem. Whether or not people notice or not does come into it, you just assume that it has been noticed and they think you are a drunk, mentally disturbed or both.

On four different occasions I have been bullied at work in a short period of time  and whilst injured had 3 case managers try to bully me into taking jobs I was not suited for, so now, as soon the scenario starts occurring, it is straight into panic/anxiety mode.

I am honestly surprised I have not lashed out violently although I have broken down and cried liked a baby.

My wife has seen the results of what happens when I get extreme anxiety. She came to pick me up and I was white as a ghost and just slumped in the car, my eyes closing and opening as we drove home.

Once home it was off to bed and I slept for the rest of the day.

Author Steve Boddey