Medical Check Up

Men have a difficult life that women will never come ta terms with.
I blame the women’s movement for all the pressure that men are now put under.
Women are demanding things.
“Give me things, do things ta me!”
“Do exotic things and plenty of them!”
“Tonight …… I think I’ll have multiple orgasms!”
“Huh? What’s that?”
“Come on go for it my darling. Plenty of orgasms I’ll tell ya when ta stop.”

No sooner had we found the clitoris, we have ta search for the G spot!”
I couldn’t find it with a wetsuit and a divers helmet.
It’s difficult ta be a man.

The men’s movement in the USA has taken the country by storm.
No wonder.

Ya see films and documentaries on the women’s movement saying we want this and we want that and we’ll take some of that and ya can have this but we will have all of that and we’ll see if we want any of that, we demand a share in that and we want most of that, less of that and more of this. WE want it now we want it yesterday and we want plenty more tomorrow. Oh and by the way, tomorrow it will all be change so pay attention.
Good grief it goes on and on.

Ya see men have it tough.
Even going ta the doctors is an experience many dare not go through.
This is why men wont go.

As we get older ya have ta visit more frequently. There are things that need ta be checked on. Things that need ta be prodded and poked.
Hair gets less on the head and makes its way through ya nose, ears and arse.
For what reason, I know not.
Changing countries doesn’t help you neither mainly due to the fact some countries are more up to date than others.

So, off ta the clinic and into the room.
“Please take off ya pants Mr Boddey.” “Sure”
He’s got a rubber glove on. He’s got my testicles in his hand.
A unique moment I thought.
I all of a sudden develop a fascination with the eye chart that is on the wall.
I am consumed with interest but I am also trying to mentally get in contact with my penis. Telling it, “Don’t fucking move!”

See you women laugh about it but men have ta walk around with this appendage sticking outta of our bodies. It has no brain and doesn’t know the difference between a woman and a bus. Sitting on a bus feeling the vibrations. Boing!
It even gets up before ya in the morning. It’s hell!
Anyway, “Could you cough for me please Mr Boddey?”
“Cough cough!”
“That’s fine.”
He fluffs around and produces a toothpaste kind of tube and starts unleashing some clear substance onto his glove.
Cleaning his glove. Glove cleaning jelly.
He says. “We may as well look at the prostrate while you’re here.”
I said “Sure.”
Ya see back in Aussie ta check the prostrate ya have a blood test. No problems at all.
“Mr Boddey could you please place both hands on the bed.”
“Ya WHAT?”
ÄRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH”
“That’s not a finger!”
I’m thinking ta myself if I turn round and this guy is zipping up his fly there is murder gonna be committed here.

When he had finished I stood there all bewildered.
The penis was dead limp; the testicles had retracted ta places unknown. My face was ashen, the eyes watery and the nose runny.

“You can get dressed Mr Boddey.” he says.
I felt worse than I did when I came in.
“Everything seems to be in order. We will see you in 12months and have another check shall we?”
Now, I don’t know about you but it seems ta me that Australia and New Zealand are really not that far away from being on the ball as far as medical knowledge is concerned but I am thinking maybe the prostrate check is something ta do with the Kiwi’s fixation with sheep shagging.

Whitesnakes do it better …… when ya fit and healthy.