A Whitesnake's Bite Can Be Lethal

COT an eye for detail

2012-01-29T08:53:00.000+13:00

don't want to do this nor that,
after all, tomorrow is another day.
don't want to listen, don't want to look,
after all, tomorrow is another day.
and i certianly don't want to read this,
i definitely cannot reach and see that,
after all, tomorrow is another day,
so say the blind man.

Whitesnakes do it better ...................... watch where ya walking!

Confucius said WHAT?

2012-01-26T09:18:00.000+13:00

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.
Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.
Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.
War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it.
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!

Whitesnakes do it better............ sure they do!

Questioning Whitesnake

2012-01-23T09:13:00.000+13:00

Keeth:- In which battle did Napoleon die?
Whitesnake: His last!

KB: What can you never eat for breakfast?
Whitesnake: Lunch and Dinner!

Marja: What looks like half an apple?
Whitesnake: The other half!

HE: If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
Whitesnake: Wet!

Jame Shott: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
Whitesnake: At the bottom of the page!

JJ: How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
Whitesnake: He sleeps at night!

Rinky Rimes: How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
Whitesnake: Concrete floors are very hard to crack!

Happy Amateur: How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
Whitesnake: You'll never find an elephant with one hand let alone two!

DayDreamerToo: What is the main reason for divorce?
Whitesnake: Marriage!

Whitesnakes do it better ...... slip of the tongue!

COT one for the money one for the show

2012-01-22T12:02:00.000+13:00

is that all there is?

he looks at the plate,

a fabulous meal,

that's what he ate.

is that all there is?

as he sits in the chair,

a blank tv set,

a blank looking stare.

is that all there is?

as he looks at the earth,

nothing much here,

nothing of worth.

is that all there is?

says the tired old dad,

as he looks at his son,

laid out on the slab!

Whitesnakes do it better ........... and that's how it is!

Religious Attitude

2012-01-21T09:46:00.000+13:00

An Angel says, 'Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice.'
1. Pray
2. Go to bed on time.
3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.
4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.
5. Delegate tasks to capable others.
6. Simplify and unclutter your life.
7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)
8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.
9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together.
10. Take one day at a time.
11. Separate worries from concerns. If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety. If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it.
12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.
13.. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.
14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.
15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.
16. Carry a spiritually enlightening book with you to read while waiting in line.
17. Get enough rest.
18. Eat right.
19. Get organized so everything has its place.
20.. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life..
21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.
22. Every day, find time to be alone.
23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray.
24. Make friends with Godly people.
25.. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.
26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good 'Thank you Jesus .'
27. Laugh.
28. Laugh some more!
29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.
30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).
31.. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).
32. Sit on your ego.
33. Talk less; listen more.
34. Slow down.
35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.
36. Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before. GOD HAS A WAY OF TURNING THINGS AROUND FOR YOU.
'If God is for us, who can be against us?'
(Romans 8:31)

Whitesnakes do it better .......you'd better pray he does!

I wonder!

2012-01-21T09:37:00.000+13:00

......I had amnesiaonce -- or twice.

......Protons have mass?   I didn't even know they were Catholic.

......All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

......If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horsessidesaddle.

......What is a "free" gift?   Aren't all gifts free?

......They told me I was gullible...and I believed them.

......Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

......One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

......My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.

......I used to be indecisive.   Now I'm not so sure.

......The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

......How can there be self-help "groups"?

......Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you aman who can't get his pants on.

......Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

Whitesnakes do it better ....................... that is for certian!

Religious beliefs

2012-01-21T09:24:00.000+13:00

Three Irishmen are sitting in the pub window seat,

Watching the front door of the brothel over    the road.
The local Methodist pastor appears, and    quickly goes inside.
"Would you look at that!" says    the first Irishman.
"Didn't I always say what a bunch of    hypocrites they are?"
No sooner are the words out of his mouth than a Rabbi appears at the door,
Knocks, and goes inside.
"Another one trying to fool everyone    with pious preaching and stupid hats!"
They continue drinking their beer roundly    condemning the vicar and the rabbi
When they see their own Catholic priest    knock on the door.
"Ah, now dat's sad." says the    third Irishman.
"One of the girls must have died.”

Whitesnakes do it better .................. knock knock!

English Grammar

2012-01-19T09:48:00.000+13:00

A small boy says to his father "Dad, what's the difference
between 'theoretically' & realistically'?"

His dad thinks & then says "Right-ho son, go & ask
your mother if she'd sleep with George Clooney for a million
bucks."

The boy toddles off & comes back saying "Dad, dad, she
said she would! She would sleep with George Clooney for a
million bucks."

"OK son," says his dad. "Now go & ask your
sister the same question."

The boy toddles off & comes back saying "Dad, dad, she
said she would too!"

So then his dad says "Right, son, now go & ask your brother if
he'd sleep with George Clooney for a million bucks."

The son comes back excitedly saying "Dad! Dad! He said he
would too!"

"Well there you have it, son," said his dad.
Theoretically we could be sitting on three million bucks
Realistically we're living with two tarts & a poof."

Whitesnakes do it better .................. with a smile on the dial!

True love

2012-01-18T09:40:00.001+13:00

A long timeago in the time of the Seth, there was a couple who had a love that broughtshame in the time that they were living. Two different cultures, two differentideas, two different people, two different personalities yet a love thatbonded. A bond like the lime that held the castle stones together. A bond thatwould last a very long time.

For quite some time they held their secret. They held their love. As is withall things that pass, the longing, the aching and the wanting became too muchand she gave up hope of ever finding true love. She gave up on ever holding himclose and she gave up on their love.

Time went by. Like the breeze in thespring, like the Arctic frosts that bring rain, sleet and snow. Aeons passed.

Each had gone their separate ways. Living their lives as if the other did notexist. They forged out their lives, yet both thought of each other and theirlove, their hopes and their dreams that had been damned from the start. She wasa realist. She married another and went about her duties as she had been taughtto do for all those years.

He drifted from place to place, searching for the love she had shown him. Hecontinued with his life but always there was that nagging in his head. Thatconstant ache for her, a constant yearning. Many times in the night, hescreamed out her name. He loved her, he always would. Nothing could take thataway. He kept searching. His life was empty without her.

She had called him a dreamer, a man of fantasy and although she followed hisbeliefs for a while, her upbringing continued to haunt her and she let go. Herhead ached from time to time when she thought of him. She could have sworn shefelt his anguish, his pain and his sorrow. She felt him searching for hertrying, struggling to reach out and take her. She resisted. Believing in whatshe could see and what she could touch. Dreams, she thought, were only that;dreams and nothing more!

The years passed and she was now alone. She had felt this way all those yearsago when she knew a man who was a dreamer. Her life was now that of an owner ofa tavern. She often laughed at it. He would have enjoyed it. The company, thelaughter, the making of new friends and of course, the drinking. These thoughtsmade her smile yet they also brought tears of what may, or could, have been.She shrugged as she remembered.

Yet she cursed him for the torment he had made her go through. Although notpast her prime, she feels old and useless. Without a purpose in life. She onlynow ached for what he brought her in those days, long gone. Sleep came easy,restful sleep had not, it never comes.

The rain falls, the wind howls and the shutters on the Innbang. She goes to close them. Fighting nature's elements. As she struggles, anarm comes across her to assist her. Her eyes try to focus. The wind, the rainmakes it difficult. The stranger says nothing. Cloaked in a long coat thatlooks especially designed to keep out natures elements.
She thanks him and invites him in.
He craves for ale. She obliges. He swills it down. She brings another.

He opens his wallet to pay, she stops him. She craves the company of someonewell travelled to tell her of what is happening. He looks old and worn fromsearching the earth. Although well dressed he looks like a man who has beenbeaten up by a lifetimes experiences. His face is well worn by the wind and thesun. Yet his smile shines through. His words echo through her as if they aretrying to tell her something. She fumbles with food, she has prepared. He asksabout lodgings. There are none here she tells him.

"Maybefurther in the village," He half laughs. He then shrugs. "Such is life.It is best I go." He bellows thanking her for her hospitality.
He offers money. She refuses.
"The company has been enough," She cheerfully tells him.

"You know," He stops as he gathers his thoughts, "I knew a womanonce who made me feel like I was the only thing in the world that mattered, along time ago."
She sees tears in his eyes as he wrestles with his coat and prepares to leave.
The thunder cracks. Lightening bolts and rain come howling down. The shuttersbang constantly.
"Another Ale, till the weather clears?" She asks without thinking. Hegazes out the window.
"Aye, Ithink it best.”

Removing hiscoat, hanging it up, he sits and beckons her over. They talk about things ingeneral and things that have been happening in the world. Both tend to stayclear of the past as if it were a taboo subject. She finds comfort in hiscompany. She makes her self some tea and prepares some more food.
He helps himself to some more ale. "You have a lot of books," hetells her.
"Yes I love to read," She replies.
There is silence as he sips his ale and looks over the books. Without warning,he tells her, "I use to write myself."
"So didI. I stopped along time ago."
"Why?" He inquires.
"Oh, it is a long story," She smiles. He looks at her as she preparesfood.
There is familiarity here he thinks to himself.
"Nah," he murmurs.
"Did you say something?" she asks.
"Just remembering. I am just remembering".

He looks out the window as the rain and wind weave themselves around the foresttrees. The sound of rain pelting on the roof and the crackling of the fire makeexcellent bed fellows. His eyes search the walls of the tavern, seeking outsomething, anything that will make his mind think pleasant thoughts. He nolonger wants the thoughts that haunt him day and night.
The thoughts of her and how she left.

He remembers her writings stopped soon after, he too stopped. He had becomedisillusioned with the life he led. He had sold up everything and started todrift from place to place. Always searching and seeking. For what? He neverreally knew.

She places some more food on the table. He looks at her and smiles.
"Any more and I will be to full to travel."
"I rarely get company that I can talk to," she mutters.
"Good conversations are hard to come by these days. Everyone is keeping tothemselves," He seems angry about it. He rubs his chin.
"If this weather keeps up, I'll have to find lodgings somewheresoon."
"You could stay here," She is somewhat shocked at what she has justsaid.
"I mean I do have a spare bed," She blurts out trying to cover herembarrassment.
He leans back in the chair and looks at her. He nods agreement.
"That would be nice."
She knows he had intended to say more. He had been careful in his words.
A complete stranger and here she is offering him a bed.
"What has the world come to," she speaks out aloud answering her ownthoughts.

"Yes, indeed," He laughs. She blushes. Getting up she puts more woodon the fire and starts to lock up for the night. He is getting himself anotherAle and has already cleared the dishes. Placing the left over food on just oneplate.

"I'llfinish this Ale and I'll get me some sleep. Best I do not over stay mywelcome."

During the night she tosses and turns. Waking up in a panic she rushes to hisroom. He is asleep on his back. As she slowly and quietly backs away he stirsand turns over away from her. She yelps and quickly places her hand over hermouth to snuff out the noise. Leaving the room she rushes away, finallyslumping in her chair at the table in the kitchen.
"No, No, it can't be." talking to herself.
The tattoo on his shoulder. It was her name.
She rests her head on her arms shaking her head, "It can't be."

The morning finds her where she had rested her head, in the kitchen on thetable. She stretches and remembers the previous night’s events. Her heart poundsas she thinks of the possibilities. After all these years, could it be him?

Quickly moving to his room, she opens the door. Nothing. He is gone. There isno sign he had even been there.
She looks around frantically searching for clues as to what had gone on.Everything in the tavern is as it should be. The plate of food, left over fromlast night was not there. The Ales were in place. Nothing had moved norchanged.

She slumps in her chair, "Why this torment, why? Why? Why?" her eyes welledwith tears as she cries. The rain falls, the wind howls and the shutters on theInn bang. She goes to close them. Fightingnature's elements. As she struggles, an arm comes across her to assist her. Hereyes try to focus. The wind, the rain makes it difficult.

The strangersays nothing. Cloaked in a long coat that looks especially designed to keep outnatures elements. She thanks him and invites him in.
He craves for ale. She obliges. He swills it down. She brings another.
He opens his wallet to pay, she stops him.
"Your name is Sev?" she inquires.
"Why? Yes it is," He looks surprised, "You have heard ofme?"
"I know a lot about you," Her face beams.
“How is itthat you know of me?” He asks. There is silence as she gathers her thoughts.

“I can seefrom your appearance. You are well travelled,” She is thankful she saidsomething that would not give away who she was. She needs to be sure it is him. He looks different. He looks tired,almost drained of life’s essence. He looks around the place, “Not manycustomers tonight?”
“They arefew and far between. I like it that way. I have more time to myself.”

The crack oflightening outside the tavern startles her. He doesn’t flinch. His mind seemsto be else where. She thinks about the times she knew him. Before she moved onin her life and left him alone.

The rainoutside becomes heavier. The remaining customers quickly leave. Wanting to gethome before the weather got worse.

“Worse,” Hethought, “How could it get any worse?” He watches as she sees each customerout. Taking payment and politely bidding them farewell. He is the only oneleft.

He watchesas she starts to close the place up. “I should be on my way then,” He tells heras he starts to collect his belonging.

“You canstay here tonight. I have a spare room,” Thinking she has spoken out to quicklyshe adds “The nearest lodgings is in the village. In this weather and withnight falling, you would be cold and wet and probably lost.”
He just nodshis head in agreement.

“I’ll putthese in your room,” She takes his coat and knapsack. Her smile is a blessing.It reminds him of something. Someone perhaps? He shakes his head. It has beentoo long without female company.

She returnswith some food and more ale. He has a stone of some kind that he is twirling inhis hands. She watches as he stares at it blankly. Placing the food on thetable her minds drifts back to the time before her marriage. She had felt herlife slipping away when he came by. A stranger, a man completely different fromany man she had known before. He stole her heart, her body, her soul. They weregood times. They had never met. He had sent her pictures, she sent him noughtbut a single photo. She had felt his love, his presence. He had cared abouther, cared for her and he loved her for the person she was. Tears welled in hereyes as she watches him now. A lonely heart-broken man. She wants to tell himwho she is but a doubt nags away at her. She needs to know his story. She needsto know if the magic they had was still alive. Was it possible to rekindle theflame they once had?

“DAMN YOU!”She shouts aloud.

“I’m sorry.”The confused look on his face tells it all. She realises she had spoken out athim but he had not heard her thoughts. He could not, would not understand.
“Sorry I wasthinking about something I should have done but I had forgotten. Please excuseme.” She rushes off into her room to compose herself.

Looking inthe mirror she tidies herself up, trying to make herself presentable. Slumpingon her bed she sighs. Taking a deep breath she goes back and sits with him.

“EverythingOk?” he asks her in a genuine tone. She nods.

He startlesher, “I knew a woman once. Or at least I thought I did.” His facial expressionsand quiver in his voice giving away his emotional state of mind. He looks ather.
“Never mether. Had a picture once, but I lost it and I did ask her to send more but shedidn’t. Never knew why. Never asked. Her name was Kanya. She was a spirit offreedom. A loving, caring soul.”

Her heartpounds as he mentions her name. Her mind begins racing through all the thingsthey had shared. All those years ago. Her mind questions and searches foranswers. She wants to hold him and tell him that Kanya, his lost love right herein front of him. However, she holds back. Her upbringing has taught hercontrol. She fights hard to keep her emotions in check. Her hands tremble. He getsup and places a couple of logs on the open fire.

“Feeling thecold I see,” He smiled at her.
“Yes a bitcold. She lies, “Tell me more about Kanya.”

He speaksabout her as if she were still in his life. His whole outlook brings to life awoman who he has cherished since their first contact. There are thedescriptions of the love they shared. A love that is not only physical but aspiritual love, a complete love.

He speakssoftly and slowly as he tells of Kanya’s marriage. There is no anger but thereis a deep sadness in his words. “She didn’t want to wait.” He stops himself.“She could not wait.” His shoulders droop and he reaches for his drink. Takingdown a large mouthful. He knows why. She also knows why. He then carries ontelling her of his travels. How he packed up. Sold everything and started toroam around moving from here to there. Just a drifter.

“There havebeen no other women in you life since?” Kanya feels stupid asking the questionbut it just comes out.
“You meanlike Kanya?”
She nods.
“No. Ohthere have been women but not for long. This last year I stayed well away fromthem. I had nearly forgotten what they looked like,” He says.
‘Would youknow her again? I mean if you met her,” Kanya is anxious to know how he feelsabout her.

“Like Isaid. I had one picture and that was all. It has been a long time. We all change.Me, her, everyone changes. She probably wouldn’t even know me.” He laughs.Getting up he helps himself to another drink, “Just so long as she is happy. Thatis all that matters.”

“Don’t youever wonder if she thinks of you?” Her tone is stern.

He stops andstands there in the middle of the room and then heads towards the window.Gazing out at the landscape. Watching the trees bend in the wind, watching thebeads of rain run down the window.

“I think shedoes. Sometimes I feel it. Like now.”
“What do youfeel, Sev? What is it that you sense?” Her voice has softened.
He turns hishead and looks at her. “I sense her love. I feel her trying to reach out,” He turnsback to the window. He hides his tears.
“It will bea cold night tonight,” He remarks, “A cold lonely night.”
“Maybe not,”She says getting up and heading off to her room.

With hergone, he wipes the tears from his eyes and sits back down.
She returnswith a book and places it in front of him. Seating herself across him she says,“You gave me that book a long time ago. I have treasured it ever since.”

His handsshaking he opens the book and starts reading. There before him he reads of herundying love and commitment to him and him alone. He reads of the pressures putupon her to move on in life. How she resisted for so long. Finally giving inand marrying someone she never truly loved.

Grief isdocumented well in her words. They cry out with gay abandon, screaming throughhis head. He had been on his way to her when she married. She had not knownthat and cursed herself many times for not waiting. Not waiting that little bitlonger.

“I HATE YOUSEV!” Had been scribbled on one page.

He continuesto read her private thoughts. Misty eyes and runny nose confront him. Shepasses him some tissues. He looks at her as if searching for the woman he onceknew. Seeking out some familiar feature that will make him believe he has foundher at last.

He reachesout and slowly glides his hand against her face. His thumb caressing her cheek.His eyes piercing her own, looking deep into her soul.
It is onlythen that she feels it. Closing her eyes as if mesmerised by the deep gaze hegave her. The kiss, his lips on hers. That first kiss. It lingers. As he pullsaway she hears him call out her name.

“KANYA, myspirit, my freedom.”

That nightsleep comes once again like the rain when it is needed by farmers. In dribs anddrabs, too much, too little or not a drop!

She tossesand turns. Waiting the new day. Finally her eyes close and sleep takes over.The emotions are real and have finally decided to rest.
The sunshines brightly through her window. She had forgotten to close her curtainsproperly. She feels refreshed and heads off to shower and get ready for the newday and a new chapter in her life.
There is asong in her voice as she showers and dresses. A spring in her step as she headsto his room. Slowly opening the door so as not to wake him she gazes in.

“NO!” Shecries out “It can’t be,” She thinks.

The room isas it was the night before. There is no sign that he had been in the room. Shemoves off slowly to the kitchen. Her mind oblivious to anything around her.Complete numbness overtakes her. She slumps in the chair.

“Cup of tea,Kanya? KANYA? Do you want a cup of tea?”
She looks upand is shocked to see him standing there. Emotions flow through her body astears pour from her eyes. She falls to her knees in front of him. Holding on tohis pants and sobbing.
He kneelswith her pulling her up with him. Theyembrace and hold each other tightly. She hears him say, “Never again, Kanya.Never again will I let you go.”

Whitesnakes do it better ...when there is a story to tell

Locked car

2012-01-18T08:18:00.001+13:00

Finding a woman sobbing that she had locked her keys in her car, a passing soldier assures her            that he can help.
She looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, rolls them into a tight  all and rubs them against the car door.
Magically it opens.
"That's  so clever," the woman gasps. "How did you do it?"
"Easy," replies the man. "These are my khakis".

Booze Bus

2012-01-16T07:58:00.001+13:00

Two Aborigines were driving their old
old Holden in the outback recently, when off in the distance they saw a police "booze bus".

Rather than trying to avoid it, the driver headed straight for it. As they pulled up, the driver wound his window down and said 'G'day, brudder! Two cans of Emu Export, thanks!'

The copper glared at him and said 'You must be drunk!
Get out of the car and blow into this tube!'

The driver said 'Sorry boss, I can't blow in that,
I got a letter from the doctor saying I'm asthmatic
And I'll pass out if I blow in that.'

The cop smirked and said 'OK - in that case,
We require you to give a blood sample.'

'Nah, nah - sorry, boss,' replied the driver.
'Can't be doin' that. Got a letter from the Red Cross sayin' I'm a haemophiliac, and I could bleed to death if I gave a blood sample. Sorry boss, can't do that!'

By now the copper was getting very irate, and so he demanded that the driver provide a urine sample for testing.

The driver shook his head and said

'Sorry boss, can't do that either.'

The copper protested 'Surely you haven't got a letter for that!!!'

'Bloody oath, mate!' says the driver,

'It's from Julia Gillard, the Prime Minister of this lovely

Country of Australia - she's apologised, and says that

You whitefellas can't take the piss out of us blackfellas no more!

Whitesnakes do it better ........................ He He He!

Stolen Kiss

2012-01-15T09:20:00.000+13:00

“You’re Evil!” she shouts at him.

“Flirting with all those women how couldyou?”

He stands there some what bewildered by herwords.

“Don’t even try to explain! I am tired andangry and I HATE YOU!”

Those are the last words he hears as sheturns and runs away.

"Where to now?" he thinks.

He has no opportunity to explain. He has norecourse to follow.

He is felt alone to feel the pain.

There are explanations that she will nothear. There are reasons.

Alas she will not hear them.

It is not the first time he has had heardsuch ranting.

The women had approached him and one hadstolen a kiss on a dare.

Then woman who now had disappeared was no one he knew.

The differences between them are startingto appear and he is at a loss to find the answers.

He takes a deep breath and hopes her angerwill pass and she will return.

It is he that must now wait and suffertorment.

A sleepless night a waits as the windwhistles through the trees on a night that has the chill of the dead.

Rain starts its journey to the dry earth,lightly at first then heavier.

The dark clouds form across the sky as thesun farewells this part of the world.

It is her doing that this night he mustendure.

Come the dawn, will happiness and love bereborn?

It will surely be a long night.

Whitesnakes do it better .......with a goodnight kiss. When? NOW! xx

It will happen soon!

2012-01-13T08:00:00.004+13:00

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world "Little India" formerly known as Australia.

Tasmania executes last remaining Greenie.

White minorities still trying to have English recognised as Australia's third language.

Children from two-parent heterosexual families bullied in schools for being 'different'. Tolerance urged.

Gay Marriages now overtake heterosexual marriages as preferred 'lifestyle' choice.

Kookaburra and platypus plague threatens North Western Australia crops and livestock.

Melbourne schoolgirl expelled for not wearing Burqa: Being a Christian is no excuse says school. Sharia law must be enforced.

Japan announces that they will no longer consume whale meat as whales are now extinct and the scientific research fleet are unemployed. Australian Government has told the Japanese that Cane Toads taste like whale meat.

Australia now has ten Universities of Political Correctness. Professor Goldman of ANU says there is still a long way to go in the fight to stop people saying what they think.

Australian Deficit 10 $Trillion dollars and rising. Government declares return to surplus in 100 years which is 300 years ahead of time. Prime Minister Mohammed Yousuf claims increased growth through more immigration is the secret to success.

Wall Street banks merge to form new super bank, Goldman Rothschild Ebeneezer Epstein Drescher (GREED): Huge bonuses paid to executives to celebrate launch.

Baby conceived naturally ! Scientists stumped.

Iran still quarantined. Physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Islamic Countries. No other country volunteers to come forward to help the beleaguered nation ! Serves them right.

Castro finally dies at age 112. Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking..

Jose Manuel Rodrigez Bush says he will run for second term as US President in 2032.

Australia Post raises price of stamps to $18 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

After a ten year $75.8 billion study, commissioned by the Labor Party: Scientists prove Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of an Australian drops to 115 kgs.

Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Victoria India and New South Iraq.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Senate still blocking drilling in Canberra even though petrol is selling for 5,000 Rupees per litre and petrol stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights. Victims to be held partly responsible for crime.

Average height of professional basketball players is now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2035 as lethal weapons.

Australian Tax Office sets lowest tax rate in decades at 75 percent.

Carlton won this years National Footy final beating the Hindu Hornets 20-11 to 13-18
And around it goes again...?Southern Asia (formerly Northern Territory ) voters still having trouble with voting machines.

Whitesnakes do it better .................. it won't belong now!

2Blue

2012-01-11T21:50:00.003+13:00

This one is for my bro in Mumbai the one and only ............. Zedde!

Chilli

2012-01-10T11:01:00.000+13:00

A hungry bloke walks into a seedy cafe in Glasgow......

He sits at the counter and notices a Jock with his arms folded staring blankly at a bowl of chili.

After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the hungry bloke bravely asks,

"If you aren't going to eat that, mind if I do?"

The old Jock slowly turns his head toward the young bloke and says,

"Nah, ye can gae ahead."

Eagerly, the young bloke reaches over and slides the bowl over to

his place and starts spooning it in with delight.

He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chili.

The sight was shocking and he immediately pukes up the chili back into the bowl.

The old Jock says,"Aye, that's as far as I got too."

Whitesnakes do it better .......ewwwwww!

Come fly with me

2012-01-06T08:43:00.003+13:00

Come fly with me was what his daughter would always tell her father when was feeling sad.

"What would you like sweetie?" He asked choking slightly.
"Four Kisses."She told him.
"Four kisses daddy. That's all I want."
He didn't understand what she was saying.

The old man in the corner watched and sighed.

"Four kisses daddy." her words lost as she once again fell into unconsciousness.
Her father cried at the side of her bed.
He held her hand and tried to talk but words failed him.
His daughter dying and he had no clue as to what her four kisses were.

The old man sipped his coffee and continued watching.
He just shook his head every once in a while.
No one even noticed his presence.

The father wept.
Nurses tried to console him.
His daughter was dying and nothing could be done.
Her one wish was for four kisses and he didn't know what they were.
"Pumpkin, What are the four kisses?" He asked her as she lay there motionless.
Monitors beeping away without a care.
Doctors shaking their heads and patting his back.

Her father sobbed uncontrollably.
"Four Kisses and I can't even do that for her." he muttered between sobs.
A tear rolled down the old mans cheek as he got up and walked over to the door.
The father looked up as the old man started to exit the room.
Before he could say a word the old man spoke.
"Four kisses. One for her mother, one for her brother, one for herself and the biggest one for you."
As the father reached out for the love that flowed from his daughter as she took her last breathe.
The old man disappeared and a wave of sadness engulfed the room.
"Four kisses daddy, that's all I want"
Her father started tearfully singing.
"Come fly with me come fly, let's fly away."

Slip of the Tongue

2012-01-03T09:16:00.002+13:00

Whitesnake is Quick
____________________________________

TEACHER: Why are you late?

Whitesnake: Class started before I got here.

--------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America..
Maria: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now Whitesnake, who discovered America ?
Whitesnake: Maria.
____________________________________
TEACHER: Whitesnake, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
Whitesnake: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Whitesnake, what is the chemical formula for water?
Whitesnake: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?

Whitesnake: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Whitesnake, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have 50 odd years ago.
Whitesnake: ME!
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Whitesnake, do you say prayers before eating?

Whitesnake: No sir, I don't have to, KB is an excellent cook!
_____________________________

TEACHER: Whitesnake, what do you call a person who keeps on talking while no one is interested?

Whitesnake: TEACHER!

Whitesnakes do it better .......... when ya taught a thing or two!

How to cook Turkey

2012-01-02T13:35:00.001+13:00

A recipe that didn't make it to Simply Delish
Here is a turkey recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing ingredient -- imagine that!
When I found this recipe, I thought it was perfect for people like me, who just are not sure how to tell when turkey is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out.

Give this a try.

1 - Turkey
1 cup melted butter
1 cup stuffing
1 cup un-popped popcorn extra buttery
Salt/pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush turkey well with
Melted butter, salt and pepper.
Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn. Place in baking
Pan making sure the neck end is toward the front of the
Oven, not the back.
After about 4 hours listen for the popping sounds.
When the turkey's ass blows the oven door open and the bird flies across the
Room,.... it's done.
And you thought I didn't cook!!!

Many thanks Dave F
Whitesnakes do it better ....................Gobbly Goop!

COT ta take it like a man.

2012-01-01T08:33:00.000+13:00

I gazed at the ceiling,

As I was lying in my bed,

Listening to my breathing,

A thousand thoughts,

Flowing through my head.

Troubles of yesterday,

The things that people said,

So many demons,

They are out to get me,

As I was lying in my bed.

The morning brings no relief,
As I was lying in my bed,
My thoughts, my dreams,
Are all still there,
Sitting quietly in my head.

Whitesnakes do it better ........ Cos he got to!

Another year gone

2011-12-31T08:52:00.002+13:00

Alas another year gone and looking back it was not so much a bad one but a challenging one.
This year was one that stayed in limbo. We seemed to be caught in a comfortable place, deciding to stay a while rather than moving forward.
One could argue that we did achieve a lot and certianly found out a lot about what we can do from KB's dads health scare to Simply Delish becoming more popular than ever.
There are plenty of positives to come out of this year for sure and I guess looking back it is easier to say that things were not as we had hoped but we still have our dreams and we are more determined than ever to achieve them in the coming year.
So here is to 2012 and all that it has to offer.
May all that you dreams and wishes come forth, may you be blessed by what ever being you worship and if there is nothing you worship may you be blessed by nothing.

There will be only a quiet night tonight as I have work today and New Years Day, besides we do tend to go to bed at a more sensible time these days.
Happy New Year one and all

Whitesnakes do it better .................. Just one more drink please!

COT no presence!

2011-12-26T10:19:00.000+13:00

A ray of hope flickers in the sky,

Nope, Santa's still not here yet!

Whitesnakes do it better .................... Everytime!

Note the spelling of Christmas!

Fairy Christmas

2011-12-23T08:00:00.002+13:00

I am a little fairy
    On tap o' the Christmas Tree
    It's no' a job I fancy
    Well how would you like tae be me?

    A'm tarted up wi' tinsel
    It's enough to mak ye boak
    An a couple o' jaggy branches
    Rammed up the back o' your froack.

    An' wi'a' these lights a'roon me
    I canna get my sleep
    An' there's the yearly visit
    Fae Santa - Big fat creep!

    On Christmas Day I'm stuck up here
    While you're a a'wirin' in
    An' naebody says "Hey you up there,-
Could you go a slug o' gin?

    It's nae joke bein' a fairy
    The job's beyond belief
    Ye go 'roon and 'roon the bairnies beds
    An' lift their rotten teeth.

    But o' a' the joabs a fairy gets
    An' I've mentioned only some,
    The very worst is up a tree
    Wi' pine needles up yir bum.

When    a' the fairies meet again
    By the light of' the silvery moon,
    Ye can tell the Christmas fairies -
They're the wans that canna sit doon.

The    Christmas tree's a bonny sight
    As the firelight softly flickers
    But think o' me,- A'm stuck up here
    Wi' needles in my knickers !

    So soon as Christmas time's right by
    An' I stop bein' sae full o' cheer
    I'll get awa back tae Fairyland
    An' Ah'll see yous a' next year.

Once more thanks to Dave F for this one.

Whitesnakes do it better ...................... NAY bother!

The new dance craze

2011-12-22T02:23:00.000+13:00

Viral Vid: Every grandpa shuffling: These grooving grandpas show you're never too old to start the shuffling dance.Whitesnakes do it better ............. errr maybe

Whitesnakes Christmas Message

2011-12-20T11:08:00.000+13:00

Merry Christmas Peeps
Happy New Year!

Whitesnakes do it better ....................... Ho! Ho! Ho!

Christmas Time is Here Again

2011-12-20T09:48:00.000+13:00

It has been quite a year this year we have had earthquakes here and there tsunami in Japan, mass murders in Norway, Elections rigged and not rigged. We have had business shitting its big fat ass over the Greek and Italian economy let alone the world economy. Oh and throw in the USA's dramas (refer to the right honourable Mr J. Shott) and we have a year that is made of the same crap as last year.

Come Christmas time I look for the magic that it should bring. I want the joyous moments that encompass and are the essence of Christmas to be present where ever I go.

Alas, tis not to be.
Grumpy assholes every where I go.
Oh there are the concerts that last a minute or 10, the carol singers employed by panadol.
Where I work they play the same songs over and over again and the again and again!
Then there are the fireworks that last 10 to 20 minutes and cost the taxpayer 1/2 a million dollars. Then there is the Charity's that come out of the wood work begging ya for money and playing on your good will at this festive time. Oh and they don't want the few coins ya have in ya pocket or purse OH NO! show em ya notes and let us start with a $20.
Of course there is the eventual present shopping ordeal when those that you feel the need to buy for don't know what they want and when you make up their mind for them they are not happy!

KB and I intend to spend Christmas time in seclusion.
Venturing out only if the need arises and it had better be a serious need!
There will be the usual outing to see her mum and dad, sister and her partner, the dreaded vegans
(they really aren't that bad KB's sister and partner I mean)
We may even venture out to one of our local sights to be surrounded by hundreds of screaming kids and obese, nonsensical parents who's sole endeavour is make as much noise as possible by constantly complaining about everything so as to spoil everybody's day out.

Seriously, we will be enjoying ourselves in the luxurious surroundings we call home; trying out different recipes that we have aquired via various followers to Simply Delish and generally thinking of what lay ahead of us.
So on that note a Very Merry Christmas to you all and may the New Year bring you whatever your heart desires just so long as it isn't a bad thing.
For those that do not indulge in the Christmas festivities ....... "IT SUCKS TO BE YOU!"

Whitesnakes do it better .............. when ya dreaming of a whitesnake err I mean xmas.

COT to get this party started

2011-12-18T19:14:00.000+13:00

Standing at the crossroads,

I look both ways,

Taking time to ponder,

Which road to walk on down,

Makes you think and wonder.

Standing at the crossroads,

I decide to take a chance,

Turning left not to the right,

I see the rainbow rising,

The dark clouds now out of sight.

Whitesnakes do it better ....... and ya COT that right!

English Capital

2011-12-18T09:26:00.000+13:00

In the world of hi-tech gadgetry, I've noticed that more and more people who send text messages and emails have long forgotten the art of capital letters.

For those of you who fall into this category, please take note of the following statement: "Capitalisation is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse."
Is everybody clear on that?

I would like ta thnak Dave F for this masterpiece.

Whitesnakes do it better ............... YOU clear on that!

Sunday Story Time Finale

2011-12-18T08:00:00.002+13:00

The story starts HERE

King of Dreams

Harry N Down

It seems weird waking up to an afternoonthat will soon be evening. It also seems strange to be getting ready to go outfor dinner upon waking.

Crystal makes an entrance wrapped in mydressing gown, her hair not as messy as she often claims it would be once shewakes up.

I make her a coffee without asking.

She smiles and thanks me.

“What is the time?” She asks.

“5:30.” I state sheepishly.

“What time we heading out?” She looks at mewhile sipping her coffee.

"About 6:30 or 7:00. We’ll see how it turnsout.

“Cool. I’ll have a shower and get dressed.Do you want me to take the car or shall I leave it here?”

“Leave it here if we are drinking aye!”

Crystal heads off for a shower and Isoon find myself in the same bathroom having another shave.

She doesn’t seem bothered that I am thereand I hadn’t really noticed. Could that be seen as an insult?

“Oh I miss having my back scrubbed Steve.”

I stare in the mirror as I finish wiping thelast of the remaining shaving cream from my face.

“You want me to wash it for ya?” the wordstumble and stumble their way out of my mouth.

“Would you babe? I would love that!”

I quickly strip off and enter the shower.

Taking hold of the scrubber, I pour bodywash on and ask her to turn around. Vigorously, yet gently cleaning her back.

Up and down, side to side and then circlemotions, soap lathers quickly.

The touch of bodies with soap latheringdripping slowly down her body then add the soothing massage from the hot water it all makes for pleasantthoughts and feelings.

There are times when things rise to theoccasion and the notion of Margaret Thatcher naked was not working.

Crystal turned around as I continued toscrub away this time her breasts and neck and shoulders.

I kissed her.

Her hand reached down and fondled me.

I suckled each breast like a child seekingcomfort.

The sound of Kev’s voice did what the imageof Maggie naked could not do.

We both laughed.

I quickly rinse off and got out.

Wrapping a towel round me, I dried off abit and then headed out to find Kev.

“Ah there you are. Where is Crystal?”

“Taking a shower.”

“Oh, but you. Err hmm Oh I get it. You and shewere showering together and I err interrupted kind of?”

I nod but say nothing.

“Well how was I to know ya never was leftout a note. Hurry up and get ready I am starving. I need me dinner.”

I head to the bedroom where Crystal is alreadygetting dressed.

I open up the wardrobe. So many clothes andnothing to wear.

“Kev’s hungry.” I tell her as I startputting on my jeans.

“He always is.” Crystal moves to the mirror and startsbrushing her hair.

“Did I tell you that you look ravishinglybeautiful?” I remark pulling my tee shirt over my head.

“No but thank you.”

“Good. Well you do and I mean it.”

“I know.”

Crystal wriggles that beautiful butt ofhers. “Right, I’ll meet you in the kitchen. Oh and hurry up will you, I amstarving.” She laughs as she heads out the room.

It is hard to judge what has just gone on.

Slept and showered with a woman and haven’teven asked permission or if it was all right.

Still if it wasn’t, surely she would havesaid something. Yeah she would have said something I convince myself.

We decide to walk along the beach, takingthe pathway that leads almost directly to the pub. It takes a bit longer butthe fresh sea air and the sound of waves crashing into the beach always wetsthe appetite.

“Kev? Could you go ahead and order drinks?”

“Sure mate.” He winks at Crystal.

Crystal stands and looks at me. “Wellwhat is it?”

“I was wondering.”

“Yes”

“I was thinking?”

“Yes”

“All that happened today.”

“Yes”

“Does that mean we are you know.”

“No I don’t know! What are you on about Steven?”

“Are we a couple now? I want to knowbecause I didn’t even ask you out or permission or anything!”

“Yes” She grabs my faces pulls me close andkisses me.

“Yes we are a couple and I love you, Ialways have. Sometimes Steve words are not necessary. Now lets go I am thirstyand hungry.”

It’s been over two years since we reallygot together and the love laughter and fun times continue.
I have always been a dreamer, a believer inbeing positive. Looking at the bright side of the road.

Crystal says that makes me The King ofDreams.

Whitesnakes do it better .................Always

Too Drunk to Go Home

2011-12-16T19:22:00.001+13:00

A couple of nights ago I was out for a few drinks with some pals and had a few too many whiskeys as well as beers and some rather nice merlot; but knowing

full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before - I took a bus home.

I arrived back safely and without incident which was a real surprise, since I had never driven a bus before and have no idea where I got it from.

Whitesnakes do it better ....... A beer please

Christmas Elizabethan Style

2011-12-16T09:04:00.002+13:00

Stolen from the Elizabeth West High School Facebook Page.

Note the accuracy of content!

Aww I miss home sometimes!

Elizabeth Town Centre Clock

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the ‘hood,
Santa was struggling to find someone good.
It’s that time of year and he dreads what that heralds,
He’s off to the suburbs to visit the ferals.
He’s checking his list and he’s scanning Police channels,
... Avoiding sleigh-jackers and roof solar panels.
A trashed rental house with a yard full of wrecks.
Five lazy bludgers all claim pension cheques.
Though her boyfriend might look just like a hobbit,
He scored her a fridge, just don’t ask where he got it.
The numerous partners, the under-aged sex.
Confused family picnics, “Which child from which ex?”.
The young girls all texting while boys work their abs.
You‘ve got to have muscles to carry the slabs.
A Southern Cross sticker and matching tattoo.
Piercings-a-plenty and no bloody clue.
Hoons with their mismatched wheels (mags front, rims rear).
Doughnuts and drifting most nights of the year.
A defected car and a neglected dog,
No shortage of ciggies or junkfood or grog.
There’s a shed out the back to house their hydroponics.
Large tattooed women and their histrionics.
“I’m ADHD! I don’t care what you think!”
As she skulls down another high-energy drink.
Addictions are many, there’s smoking then patches.
Give up the pokies and take up the scratchers.
Homemade tattoos on the sides of their necks
Look like they’re drawn on with Mum’s Hobbytex.
Just in case Santa decides not to stop,
They’re off to buy crap from the Two Dollar shop.
They’re drunk or they’re stoned as they walk down the street,
Tots just in nappies, no shoes on their feet.
Quickly off-loading their hot stuff at Cashies,
Then straight ‘cross the road for McNuggets and Hashies.
They all shuffle home with their Red Bull and fags,
While the kiddies hang back just to practice their “tags”.
Our shoppers leave trolleys all strewn through the park,
For under-aged drinkers to trash after dark.
They’re chance of a present appears to be zero.
They’ll have to rely on their own Bogan hero.
He’s fat and he’s jolly, with lots of white hair.
It’s not Santa Claus, it’ the Bundaberg Bear!

Bundaberg Bear vids

Whitesnakes do it better ............ with a Christmas twist

Two Ole Drunks

2011-12-13T09:00:00.001+13:00

Stolen from Keeths place

I pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and told my friend Keeth, "That's us in 10 years".

He said "That's a mirror, you idiot!"

Taken by Whitesnake another accident!

Whitesnakes do it better ................ I'll drink to that!

COT one shot at life

2011-12-11T19:15:00.000+13:00

T

The clock of life is wound but once,

For time will leave,

Some deeds undone,

Sorrow for the departed,

Loved ones now gone.

The clock of life is wound but once,

So celebrate life,

It will go past,

Dwell not on any sadness,

Save that till last

The clock of life is wound but once,

So enjoy the good,

The bad won't be missed,

Start going through,

The bucket list.

The clock of life is wound but once,

I guess in truth,

One life will do,

I will celebrate it always,

And so should you!

Whitesnakes do it better ....................... When ya livin' La Vida Loca

Sunday Story Time Part 46

2011-12-11T08:00:00.002+13:00

The story starts HERE

King of Dreams

Harry N Down

I finally decide to get dress and luckilyfor me just in time as a red Toyotapulls up the driveway.

Crystal looks stunning in her deep bluedress that hangs just above her knees.

Her hair tied back in a ponytail and howcould I not notice her radiant smile.

“Hi Steve.” She waltzes past me giving me aquick flash of cleavage.

Whether deliberate or not I am not sure butbelieve me it was very pleasing to the lamps.

“Where is Kevin?” Crystal asks while making her way to thebackyard.

“Err he had something’s to do at work. Hewill meet us at the pub later.”

“Would you like a drink?” I ask as I get a beer from the fridge.

“A white wine would be nice hun.”

I pass Crystal her wine and sit down across fromher.

I never really noticed how beautiful sheis. Well I did but for some reason today she looks stunning. Ravishing even!

We sit and talk general chitchat then Ibring out the laptop and start showing her the photos we took.

I find myself explaining things like one ofthose boring old tour guides.

I mentioned this to Crystal and she just laughed and told me itwas ok and that I have always gone on like that.

“No more wine for you!” I state with nointent to follow through with the threat.

“In that case I’ll have a Baileys withmilk!”

Her comeback is quick and lovable.

I actually got her the Baileys and milk.

In the kitchen, we both work well as a teamto prepare a few nibbles to eat.

She makes a salmon canapé, which tastes awesome yet it is so simple.

I on the other hand knock up a couple of prawncocktails that I only make on special occasions or for special people.

I guess this is a special occasion and Crystal is a specialperson.

We brush pass each other and as we do wegaze deeply into each other’s eyes wondering what the other is thinking.

I fumble with the prawns as she once morebrushes past me.

“You ok?” She inquires resting her head onmy shoulder. “Looks Yummy!”

“Err Yeah.” I smile at her and for someunknown reason kiss her forehead.

I hear her make a quite sound ofcontentment.

“Ok all done. Let’s eat!”

A short time later, we are both full and Ilet out an unexpected yawn.

“Whoops. Sorry” I am apologetic.

“You still tired babe? Go lie down and getsome rest.” Crystalvoice shows compassion and genuine concern.

“You’ll be no good to any one at the pub ifyou keep nodding off.” I could do with a snooze myself.”

“Come on. Bedtime for us.”

Crystal drags me off to the bedroomwhere she asks if we are sleeping on top of the bed or slipping into the bed.

Somewhat shocked at her forthright questionI merely mumble “on top if you like.” Half question half statement.

“I think we had better sleep in bed.” Shethen strips off to her panties and slides between the sheets.

Looking over at me, she stares. “Are youjoining me or what?”

“Yep! Err yep I am.”

Stripping off completely I slide into beand can feel her body against mine.

I turn over facing away from her she turnsinto me wrapping herself around me and kisses my back.

I cannot remember anything more as Idrifted off to sleep.

The only reason I woke when I did wasnatures call.

I had my arm around Crystal’s body. My hand holding her breast.

I also had a semi hard on pressing againsther butt.

I tried carefully to ease my way hand awayfrom her breast and myself from the rest of her.

She must have been very tired as she hardlystirred.

I made sure she was covered up and left thebedroom.

To be continued .............................

Blonde Bull

2011-12-10T20:04:00.000+13:00

Two sisters, one blond and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble....

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.'

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it.

The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch and I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.'

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, it will cost 99 cents a word.

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'

The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable?'

The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word is big.
She'll read it very slowly... 'com-for-da-bul.'

COT to STOP The ROT

2011-12-08T09:33:00.000+13:00

I really must stop leaving comments that not only confuse but give the impression that I may actually know what I am talking about.
I try every week, on my days off to visit those that have been kind enough to visit me. NOT always possible but I do try.
Those that know me well enough will know that my comments are geniune and given most times with tongue firmly in cheek.
To give you an idea and some explanation here is a classic.
The Mystical Teacher placed an entry at Carry On Tuesday (or COT for short)

I read it and was impressed, however reading some of the comments I was bemused by what they had to say. They actually came across as being away with the fairies.
There is a very clean crisp photo of a leaf that compliments the writing.
My comment was directed not oonly to the writer but mainly to the comments section.
My comment read:

AWWW
Finally something short and sweet!
I like the simple style with the 4 12 narrative.
The 1st line captures beautifully your influence and the next 2 carry it further into a web of intrigue and adventure before finally finding the light.
Did you use a Cannon ELX with 20x zoom or the ONynx 350 with the tri-quarter?
Excellent job!

To appreciate the comment ya have to check out the post One Leaf

Good grief I have never laughed so much over a comment in ages. To just picture the look of disbelief, disgust, confusion or the total brush off keeps me smiling.
I suppose the other thing is ............ some might actually find it funny as well.
OMG wouldn't want that now would we?

Whitesnakes do it better ........ when he leaves a comment!

NO Nativity

2011-12-08T08:35:00.002+13:00

There will be no Nativity Scene in Wellington this year! The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene at Parliament House this Christmas season.

This isn't for any religious reason; they simply have not been able to find Three Wise Men in the nation's capital.

The search for a virgin continues.

There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.

Whitesnakes do it better ............ But of course!

A tough Christmas.........

2011-12-06T16:18:00.000+13:00

A Christmas Story for people having a bad day:

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

So now ya know............................

Whitesnakes do it better ....when ya have answers.

Postman Pat

2011-12-05T08:00:00.000+13:00

Postman Pat's Last Day:

It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same villages and towns.

When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his way with a cheque for £50.

At the second house they presented him an 18-carat gold watch.

The folks at the third house handed him a bottle of 15-year old Scotch whisky.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a dumb blonde in her lingerie. She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When they ;went downstairs, the blonde fixed him a full English breakfast: Bacon, Eggs, Sausage & Tomato with freshly squeezed orange juice. As she was pouring him a cup of steaming coffee, he noticed a quid coin in the saucer.

'All this was just too wonderful for words,' he said, 'but what's the quid for?'

'Well,' said the dumb blonde, 'Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that we should do something special for you'. 'I asked him what I should give you'.

He said, 'Fuck him. Give him a quid.'

She smiled shyly and said, 'The breakfast was my idea.'

Whitesnakes do it better .........than most!

COT winter in america.

2011-12-05T07:09:00.000+13:00

the darkness of winter,

who came up with that?

some morbid poor soul,

or the cat in the hat.

winter is part,

of what we go through,

it has its place in life's circle,

so that things start a new.

oh yes we have rain,

and yes there is snow,

hibernate into sadness,

is not where i go,

if it wasn't for winter,

there would be no spring,

oh my dear people,

that's a terrible thing!

Whitesnakes do it better ........when ya looking ahead.

Sunday Story Time Part 45

2011-12-04T08:00:00.006+13:00

The story starts HERE

King of Dreams

Harry N Down

It really doesn’t take longbefore I am in front of the PC and checking my emails and sorting out theaccounts.

We had actually spent considerably lessthan we thought we would.

Obviously cutting the journey short was amain reason but we didn’t even come close to using the slush fund set asidejust in case.

Kev didn’t take long to do the shopping.

I help put things away in silence.

Oddly, we both said nought.

“Right, now I’m stuffed! Didn’t realisetravel knocks the stuffing outta ya!” Kev mentions to no one in particular.

“I know exactly what you mean mate. I amrooted!” I add.

The ringing of the phone breaks into theconversation.”

“Yoah!”

“Hi Steve how are you.”

“Tired and semi naked why?”

The laughter down the phone is Crystals.

“You always make me laugh. Was everythingok when you got home? I didn’t want to get too much shopping just theessentials. The booze was a different story cos I know what you guys like.”

Crystal always has to explain herselfor should I say feels that she needs to explain.

“Everything was mickey mouse babe. How muchdo I owe ya?”

“We can work that out later.” She says thenpauses.

“What you doing later” I ask.

“Nothing. Just hanging round home. Don’thave to work tonight so might just stay home and watch a movie or read a book.”

“Bugga that! How about ya get yaself intosomething comfy and come round here. Share the arvo with me and then I’ll takeya out for tea.”

“What about Kev?”

“Yeah he’s here and we are gonna head tathe pub for tea We can spend the day sharing our stories.” I state with sometrepidation.

“Sounds fantastic. I would love too!”

“Ok see ya when ya get here.”

“Bye Steve.”

“Bye love.”

“That was Crystal.” I tell Kev.

“Ya pulling my leg?” Kev says with smile.

Oblivious to the comment I say yes.

There is a short pause then Kev leans overthe kitchen counter.

“Right, I’m off. Gonna pop into work andcatch up with a few mates. I’ll meet ya at the pub around 7 ok?”

“Yep no problem.” I reply.

Within about ten minutes, Kev is gone.

The house is now silent as I sit therestaring aimlessly into space.

To be continued ..............................

Lazy

2011-12-03T09:01:00.000+13:00

Now for something different!

Carry on Singing

2011-11-30T08:44:00.003+13:00

when I was young
i never needed anyone

and making love was just for fun
those days are gone

well they may have gone for you,

cos of things ya didn't do,

but i'm loving every day,

each one a different song.

life has just started bucko!

Love in a woman xxxx

Sunday Story Time Part 44

2011-11-27T08:00:00.001+13:00

The story starts HERE

King of Dreams

Harry N Down

There is a welcome home note on the tablenext to the mail.

Dear boys,

Hope all is well and you had a great time.

I picked up groceries that I thought youmight need so that you do not have to rush about.

Oh, I took the liberty of getting Brad tofill up your beer fridge and wine rack so you have a bill to settle with him.

He said no rush but you know what he islike.

I have missed you both so much.

Rest up and I will pop by in a couple ofdays or meet at the pub.

Love Crystal

“Gotta love the woman,” I say aloud.

“Yep she did a good job. Maybe we shouldhire her to do it every week.”

We both laugh.

“Gonna have a beer then bed mate.”

“Yep me too. Cheers.”

To say I slept soundly would be anunderstatement.

We had arrived home on Monday and now it isWednesday morning. Well, early afternoon anyway!

Nearly two days asleep. I cannot evenremember going to the toilet although I must have done.

The shower was such a comfort. The hot waterbeating down, massaging my back. The foaming of soapsuds covering every part ofme.

“Ya fancy a cuppa mate,” Kev asks poppinghis head into the bathroom.

“Yep! I’ll be right out.”

Rinsing off and towelling down I now feel half-humanagain.

A brush of the ivories and a gargle of mouthwashthen the bathrobe quickly wrapped round this aging body of mine I finally headto the kitchen and that cuppa tea.

We sit outside and can hear the sound ofthe sea.

It is quite warm and it will only gethotter as we enter the Australian summer.

Being near the beach is a blessing as theevenings bring in a sea breeze that brings relief from the heat of the day.

“Pub for tea?” I ask Kev.

“Yep! I’ll wiz out and do some shoppinglater. Restock the pantry and fridge.”

“Ok mate. I’m just gonna hang around hereand chill.”

To be continued .......................

Birthdays and other nonsense

2011-11-25T09:13:00.001+13:00

Thank you for a wonderful time and may it contiued always!
XXXX

I would like to thank all those who took the time and made the effort to wish me all the best for my 115th birthday (if ya believe facebook profiles).
I would also like to make a very special mention to my darling KB who makes everyday a special day but still managed to make this one extra special.
Your efforts my love are very much appreciated.
Thank you all once again.

My angel xxxx

May all your dreams come true and may you be blessed with a good life by those that your beliefs choose to follow.

Whitesnakes do it better ...................... Thank you again

German Tourist

2011-11-23T11:25:00.000+13:00

I'm Cold!

A GERMAN TOURIST JUMPED IN THE FREEZING WATER AND SAVED MY PRECIOUS LITTLE DOG.
UPON GETTING BACK ON THE BRIDGE, HE CHECKED MY PUPPY OUT AND TOLD ME, "ZE DOG IS OK. HE VILL BE FINE."
DUE TO HIS SELFLESS ACT I ASKED, "ARE YOU A VET?"
HE REPLIED, "VET? I'M FUCKING SOAKED!"

Manufacturing a Culture

2011-11-22T11:20:00.000+13:00

Need a Carrot

I have now come to realise that my manufacturing knowledge is still intact and there is a huge amount of information still stored in my brain.
This information relates to setting up and maintaining good manufacturing practices that can be applied to any business.
Here I write down my thoughts and ideas.
The 3 basic principles of any business should be:-

Cleanliness
Tidiness and Orderliness
A Place for everything and everything in its place.

It really is quite simple right?
Wrong!
The problem is you have to invoke the right attitude and culture into the workforce and it has to be driven and continually supported by senior management.
It is all fine and dandy to say do this and that then leave it to someone else to look after. It must be continually monitored and improved.
Fix the problem not the blame.

Occupational Health and Safety, what a joke!
We all know that it only becomes important on two counts, when something happens to cause injury or interrupts productivity or when there is a government audit.
Those that try to push and encourage OHS are cast aside as trouble makers or just being a nuisance.

For anything to succeed we need the right attitude and environment. Unfortunately in this day and age everything is too much trouble or too difficult.
Rubbish!
We are just to damn lazy, we just can't be bothered or we meet that stumbling block senior management.
I give an example.

Working in the produce area I want to get some carrots.I find the container and restock the bin. The next day I want to get some carrots but when I go to where the container was yesterday, it isn't there so I look around. Nothing. I report that we are out of carrots. The NEXT day I find the carrots stuck behind a load of crates that had hidden it from view.
OK!
Can we set the cool rooms up so we can store produce in some sort of order?
No!
Why?
To much stock!
Can we decrease the stock so as to have a minimum amount?
No!
Why?
Because that is what we have to order.
Why?
Because that is what senior management want.
But what about wastage and I am not talking about just stock?
You don't understand the process we have buy ex amount of stock to get a good price.
Why? Couldn't we purchase ex amount of stock and get a set amount of it delivered daily?
Don't be silly we can't do that?
Why not we are their customers and as a customer the same principles should apply as they do to our customers. We could order 70 boxes and have 10 a day delivered.
They wouldn't do it because it is not practical for them.
Oh I see, so it's not practical for them to deliver regularly but it is OK for us to store it?
Yes!
That doesn't make sense.
I could go on............

We need to change the culture of our workplaces and have senior staff/management playing a continuous role in leading the way.
The hardest part of doing the 3 basic principles is getting started and motivated to achieve whatever it is we want.
You will find as soon as there is stop to any form of productivity then those senior staff/management crumble under the pressure and allow things to return to the old ways.
Everyone thinks the world is at an end and they fail to see the future benefits.
It is just easier to struggle through.
I laugh at their silliness!

If you always do what you have always done you will always get what you always got!

What creates bad work practices is the lack of faith and belief that we can achieve great things as well as the fear of failing. Of course there is alway consequences that will need to be addressed but we don't want that do we because, good grief the only people who would be accountable would be those in charge!

I have over time encountered many who can talk the talk but very few can walk it!
Even in my present situation the talk is there but the walk is no where to be seen and that is why I will always be looking for those carrots right behind those 20 or so crates of oranges that we don't need!

Whitesnakes do it better .............. When your manufacturing a way of life!

Monday Madness

2011-11-21T08:00:00.002+13:00

A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.
First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds.As he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him.
To show who is boss, he beats it to death with a spade.
Realising his employer won't be best pleased he disposes of
the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.
Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp house,
he is attacked by the chimps who pelt him with coconuts.
He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing them both.
What can he do? Feed them to the lions, he says to himself,
because lions eat anything..
He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.
He then moves on to the last job which is to collect honey
from the South American Bees. As soon as he starts he is
attacked by the bees. He grabs the spade and smashes
the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what to do and shovels
them into the lions' cage because lions eat anything.
Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He wanders up to a resident lion and asks "What's the food like here?”
The lions say:
"Absolutely brilliant. Today we had Fish and Chimps with Mushy Bees."
Whitesnakes do it better ........... Yummy!

COT more than ya bargained for

2011-11-20T12:33:00.001+13:00

love is blind, and lovers cannot see,

yet i saw inside you

and you inside me.

love is blind and as lovers always do,

i will love you always,

no matter what we go through.

love may be blind,

but i want you to know,

i love you with heart and soul,

together we will grow.

Whitesnakes do it better ......................... when ya a big softie

COT a Whitesnake Mama

2011-11-20T11:33:00.000+13:00

love is blind, and lovers cannot see,

what beauty lay within,

what you mean to me.

love is blind,

true love

hard to find,

yet now,

yes now!

i have you so near,

my love,

my life

MY BEER!

The best end of the day!

Whitesnakes do it better ......... when ya shake it!

Sunday Story Time Part 43

2011-11-20T08:00:00.005+13:00

The story starts HERE

King of Dreams

Harry N Down

“Looks like I’m chef today.” Kev grins.“Apparently Mark here has no BBQ skills.”

The spread for dinner was fantastic.

There were various salads to go with the steak,sausages, burger patties and onions.

Kev and Mark actually worked together onthe BBQ and did a brilliant job.

Everything tasted great and the company wasfull of life.

As the evening approached, we all sat outon the porch with a few nibbles and wine.

The conversation was light and funny.

Sandra and I shared the events of ourinternet relationship. A few tears shed as sunset made its presence felt.

I always find it amazing that every sunsethas its own unique moment. This one was no exception.

A shooting star cruised above the finalsuns moment making for a very special moment for all of us.

I woke to the smell of sizzling bacon andan assortment of other goodies.

“Morning mate. Did ya sleep well?” Kev asksas I stumble and mumble to grab a cup of tea.

“Like a baby!”

“Ya friends were really nice aye? Thatspread they put on was fantastic. Kind of a shame to say goodbye.”

“Yeah it was good. Nice ways ta end thetrip.” I sip my tea and gaze out the window across the lake.

Pictures of home flood through my head.

“There ya go mate breakfast el la Kev.”

I turn around and grin.

We spent the next few days lazing aroundbefore finally booking our trip home.

I just wanted to get on the plane and getback to familiar surroundings.

I must say the trip home was actually quitedull and unadventurous.

Minneapolis to LA, LA to Sydney, Sydney to Adelaide and eventuallytaxi to home.

It took a few days for us to settle downand get back to normal.

I had the sense to tell Crystal we were on the way home.

She was certainly excited.

“The house is neat and tidy. The gardenneeded a mow so I got Kev’s friend Jake to come over. I will pick up some milkand fresh bread and a little bit of shopping. I left the mail on the table. Ihave missed you and Kev.”

“We have missed you too Crystal see ya soon babe.”

The house was as neat as a pin.

The fridge was full of stuff.

“Thought ya said she was doing a littleshopping!”

“That’s what she said. I’ll fix her up forit when I see her.”

Kev goes to check the bar fridge.

“You ought to marry that woman Stevie boy!”Kev blurts out.

“What? Why?” I ask somewhat annoyed.

“She bloody well filled the bar fridge. Ohand looky here the wine rack is topped up. What a woman! If I weren’t gay Iwould marry her me self.”

Kev obviously is happy to be home.

To be continued ............... HERE

Three Kings

2011-11-18T11:37:00.000+13:00

Little Johnny, can you tell me the name of 3 great kings who have

brought happiness and peace into people's lives?

Little Johnny answered:
Drin-king, smo-king, and bon-king

Simple Truth

2011-11-17T10:23:00.000+13:00

SIMPLE TRUTH 1

Partners help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own.
Moral of the story:
In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.

SIMPLE TRUTH 2
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and saying "congrats".
But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say "Good job".
Moral of the story:
"Hard work is never appreciated”

No Underwear - Makes Sense to Me
A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.
'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed.
The old man looked off in the distance without answering.
'Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?' he asked again.
The old man slowly looked at him and said,
'Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.'

Elderly Biggest Aids Carriers

2011-11-15T01:18:00.002+13:00

SENIOR CITIZENS ARE THE NATION'S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS!

Aids Carriers

HEARING AIDS

BAND AIDS

ROLL AIDS

WALKING AIDS

MEDICAL AIDS

GOVERNMENT AIDS

MOST OF ALL,
MONETARY AID TO THEIR KIDS!

Whitesnakes do it better .......... with lemonades.......lol

West End Draught

2011-11-14T08:00:00.001+13:00

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Qantas one year ago,
you would have $49.00 today!

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago,
you would have $33.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago,
you would have $0.00 today.

But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all
the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund,
you would have received $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg.

A recent study found that the average Aussie walks about 900 miles a
year. Another study found that Aussies drink, on average, 22 gallons of
alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Aussies get about 41 miles
to the gallon!

Whitesnakes do it better ........when a beers at hand!

COT summer time coming

2011-11-13T12:07:00.001+13:00

The summer flower has run to seed,

The pot that grew has turned to weed!

An urgent rush, I have the need,

If I don't make it, my pants are peed.

Whitesnakes do it better ... Yes Indeed!

Sunday Story Time Part 42

2011-11-13T08:00:00.005+13:00

The story starts HERE

King of Dreams

Harry N Down

It takes about 20 minutes to get toSandra’s place.

The road is just off the main track andreminds us both of those movies where there is nothing as far as the eye cansee.

There is just a letterbox and a dirt roadleading to our destination.

It is not really that bad but ourimaginations are ripe.

We pull up outside and we see Sandrastanding on the porch waving.

Her partner Mark standing over what wefigure is a BBQ glances up and beckons us over.

“Good day. I’m Steve and this is me mateKev.”

“Hi there, welcome to our home. Please comeon and make yourselves welcome.”

I grab the esky from the car as Kev takes thebags.

“Here ya go a bag of pressies for you lot.”Kev heartily hands over the bag.

“You shouldn’t have.” Sandra takes the bagreluctantly.

“Oh yes we should have.” I retort.

“Now! Where do we put these drinks?”

Sandra introduces us to Mark as I get meand Kev a beer.

“Yoah! Mark you wanna a beer?”

Mark nods and then carry’s on with whateverhe is doing.

Kev makes his way over to Mark, handing hima beer he asks what he is up too.

“Just cleaning the BBQ. It hasn’t been usedfor quite a while.”

“Ya ever thought of using salt? A bit ofoil and salt should clean it up a treat mate. No chemicals that way. Elnatural.” Kev smiles and swigs his beer.

Mark laughs out as Kev starts giving him ahand.

Sandra and I stand on the porch. I gazeacross the vast open spaces.

It is hard to believe after the hectic and claustrophobiccities that the USAhas empty space.

“You want to have a look around.” Sandraasks.

“Sure. That would be nice.”

I get the royal tour through the house andthen we venture back outside where Sandra introduces me to the cats, thedonkeys, the lamas and the cows.

“You know I really appreciated your supportway back when we first met. I mean on the internet.” Sandra statement comes outof the blue.

“I never got to tell you that it meant alot and helped me greatly.”

I turn and look into those beautiful greeneyes. “Oddly enough I knew. Thanks are not required. I do things because I canand it is the way I am.”

“Let’s get another beer.” I say trying toavoid any more discussion on the matter.

Sandra takes my hand leans over and kissesmy cheek. “I will always have a place in my heart for you.”

I wink at her. “You had better!” She slapsme and laughs.

To be continued .................................

This evil world of anger

2011-11-09T11:00:00.000+13:00

I do not need anger management!

I need people to STOP

pissing me off!

Whitesnakes do it better ........ Thanks to my brother for this one!

Panty Favorites

2011-11-08T12:04:00.001+13:00

Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn't you know it....
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

'If you can read this, thank a teacher -
and, since it's in English, thank a soldier'

Life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

Whitesnakes do it better ....when ya giggle and laugh!

Sunday Story Time Part 41

2011-11-06T08:00:00.003+13:00

The story starts HERE

King of Dreams

Harry N Down

“Bloody fantastic Steve! I love the waythose chips taste.”

“Ya fish ain’t bad either Kev!”

Meal done and bedtime seems to come by alltoo quickly.

The rainbow reflects the rays of sun assunlight and light misty rain welcomes us to the new day.

The lake is still and the reflections aremirroring perfect.

This morning the birds are singing adifferent tune. One that is relaxing and welcoming.

I start packing a few supplies. The way Kevand I drink, we must take ample stock so as not to embarrass our host.

The thing is, both Kev and I like ta knockback a few and that apparently is more than the average person considersstandard.

Oh well not ta worry.

To my recollection, no one has evercomplained or even said anything so maybe it is just me feeling guilty aboutenjoying myself.

Ahyes; the old I feel guilty feeling.

Kev told me when we first met that guiltwas something hammered into us as children.

All the phrases that people never reallythought mattered.

“You’ll never make anything of yaself.”

“You will never amount to anything.”

“You don’t deserve this or that.”

“If ya had all the money in the world you’donly waste it.”

“You’re always wasting your money onothers.”

“Anything you get would be wasted on you.”

“I look after your money because you haveno idea.”

The words echo through my head as clear asday.

Once you accept guilt, you own it!

I remember some bloke told me that I shouldbe offended by the words and those people who taunted me.

I figure it really is a waste.

I mean what is being offended all about?

It is just another excuse to whine and moanabout something that has nothing to do within the greater scheme of things.

To say one finds something offensive; it hasno meaning, it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase.

I am offended by this or that.

Well, so fucking what!

Kev’s voice breaks my thought pattern.

“You ok. I heard you talking to yaself.”

“Err, yeah I am, I was just thinking aboutguilty feelings.”

“Steve, we talked about this before. Guiltyfeelings have to do with being guilty of something. Not being guilty of whatothers think ya should be guilty of. Now get that stuff in the car and we’ll beoff.”

“Yes mum.”

“None of ya cheek Stevie boy.”

The atmosphere has once more moved up anotch.

To be continued ................. HERE

KB's good! Just ask Me!

2011-11-05T12:25:00.000+13:00

Simply Delish

The above picture was taken by KB who actually made that meal for the first time.
Click here to get the recipe

The first thing I said when I went to KB and Whitesnakes Home was that the photo was awesome.
This of course led us to discussing various aspects of our lives and how negative people are without thinking.
KB made this dish and it was fantastic but the first thing that was brought up was that the fish and asparagus was over cooked.
To be perfectly honest I didn't notice.
Once the subject was brought up ok yeah it was over cooked slightly.

Hang on a minute, it was the first time it has been cooked and it tasted fine so why the negative remarks?
Once the recipe and picture were done we took a different view. It was bloody great!
Sure next time changes will be made but it was good and from now on we intend to take positives from the things we do.
This incident also gave us the opportunity to look back at where we started and where we are now and just how much we have achieved and how our lives have been nurtured and grown.
Way too often we are very quick to look at the down side of an adventure rather than look at it for what it is and what it has taught us.

Both KB and I suffer anxiety attacks from time to time although, when we are together they hardly occur at all or are minimised by the fact we share the load.
This negative attitude we took towards a superb dish is the result of our past lives and things we previously tolerated being let back in.
This is a lesson learnt.
Although life is good we must always be on our guard so as not to let the demons back into our lives.
We must remember we worked hard to peel away the layers of past torments now is the time to keep moving forward.
The recipe was good, it tasted good, the photos were good and the cook was absolutely fantastic!

Whitesnakes do it better .................... When ya good and can acknowledge it!

Friday Feel Good

2011-11-04T12:35:00.001+13:00

Coco waiting for her Dad to come home.

What's your feel good?

Don't make me cry by Vayu

2011-11-04T10:55:00.000+13:00

Zedde Master

Although we have infrequent contact Zedde 2Blue from Mumbai is never far from my thoughts.
Much love brother.
Here is a ballad he wrote.
The words are below and you can hear the song HERE

Here comes your shadow baby creeping again
Those stone cold eyes, I realize, are driving me insane
Who do I run to honey and where do I hide
This tunnel’s running for miles, don’t see no sign no light

I’ve been a fool, it’s a lesson well learned
When you touch the lightening, you get your fingers burnt

Tonight this heart is bleeding, tonight this soul is grieving
Tonight these bottles are helping no more, tonight's a night like never before

Chorus

Why don’t you realize you’ve made me cry?
Your knife-like words have cut me up inside
Love don’t live no more in those eyes
I’ve seen the truth, I’ve seen the truth in your lies

So how’ve you been honey? Does he treat you alright?
Is she happy and satisfied now, the woman inside?
Does he drown you in a melody when you’re feeling blue?
Sing you songs by the seashore the way that I used to?

I’ve walked the endless road in the cold pouring rain
Faking a smile just to hide away the pain

I’ve looked everywhere for my only friend
But this world’s full of strangers with not a shoulder to lend

Tonight this heart is bleeding, tonight this soul is grieving
Tonight these bottles are helping no more, tonight a night like never before

Repeat Chorus

Whitesnakes do it better .............. when ya appreciate something classic!

Pearls of Wisdom

2011-11-03T11:23:00.000+13:00

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin..'

- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

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I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'

- Eleanor Roosevelt

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Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement..

- Mark Twain

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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible

- George Burns

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Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.

- Victor Borge

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Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

- Mark Twain

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By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

- Socrates

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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

- Groucho Marx

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My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.

- Jimmy Durante

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I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.

- Zsa Zsa Gabor

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Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.

- Alex Levine

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My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.

- Rodney Dangerfield

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Money can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

- Spike Milligan

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Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .

- Joe Namath

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I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.

- Bob Hope

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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it..

- W. C. Fields

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We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.

- Will Rogers

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Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

- Winston Churchill

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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out..

- Phyllis Diller

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By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

- Billy Crystal

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And the cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good, spit it out.

Whitesnakes do it better ................better you bet!

Halloween Tweets!

2011-10-31T13:34:00.000+13:00

It's KB's fault!

You See Halloween as Scary

The scariest thing on Halloween is you! You definitely don't want any kids in costumes crossing your path - and you're willing to scare away any who do.

No one quite understands you, but everyone also sort of worships you. And that's exactly how you like it.

Your inner child is open minded, playful, and adventurous.

You truly fear the dark side of humanity. You are a true misanthrope.

You're prone to be quite emotional and over dramatic. Deep down, you enjoy being scared out of your mind... even if you don't admit it.

You are unique, expressive, and a trendsetter. Your ideal Halloween costume is over the top and one of a kind.

What's Your Halloween Personality?

Blogthings: Cheaper Than a Therapist

Sunday Story Time COT part 40

2011-10-30T11:17:00.006+13:00

The story starts HERE

King of Dreams

Harry N Down

Dinner done and dusted, washing up done,the cabin clean and tidy we take stock and sit on the deck and watch the sunsetover the lake.

A flock of birds flying south for thewinter come into the lake and either drink or feed before finding shelter inthe trees surrounding the lake.

The darkness comes quickly. The sun meltsinto the earth as if on a time-lapse camera, beautiful yet fast.

It is the sounds of birds singing thatwakes me.

Well, they are not actually singing, rathersquawking and although it may sound nice at times, it does not actually assistin one to wake up in a happy mood.

I sit on the deck with my cup of tea.

Kev makes his way to the chair next to mewith his steaming
cup of coffee.

“How about we get this over and done withand head off home?” I say looking over at Kev.
"The trouble with this trip mate is nobody loves one another for who they are. They always want you to be some one ya not!"

He is staring blankly across the lake.

“Yep! Ya damn right there with the love bit”

He sips at his cup. “Let’s take our time with this visitthough. You know, don’t wanna be seen ta be eating and running do we?”

A smile passes my lips. “I know what yasaying. We’ll enjoy this visit then go home.”

Later that day I call Sandra and arrange tocatch up the following day.

“She is genuinely excited about catching upKev.”

“That’s great mate. Come on let’s grab afew beers and go fishing.” He already has the esky of drinks and rods he hired.

“You bloody beauty mate!”

That was probably one of the bestafternoons we had on this trip.

We just fished from the bank drank thebeers and talked.

Oh and we caught a few fish.

“Fish for dinner Steve?”

“Oh Yeah!”

Fish filleted and stuffed with feta cheese,pine nuts and parsley Kev peers over at me.

“Steve, mate, buddy. Any chance ya couldmake those chips. Ya know the ones ya do in the pan with olive oil?”

“Sure can mate. No prob at all.”

To be continued ........................... HERE

Friday Feel Good on a Saturday

2011-10-29T11:34:00.002+13:00

KB and I have had a bit of an up and down time just recently.
Coco went to the vets, KB's dad went into hospital, work got irate with me because I took time off when KB's dad was in hospital, work is a so out of touch with reality and so disjointed, we haven't posted as much as we would have liked due to all these things happening either along side each other or straight after each other. Then the phone and internet started playing up and I strained my shoulder at work.

A deep dark hole always has light at some point

Of course once everything started to settle down we couldn't think of anything to write or rather we were too mentally and physically drained to do anything.
We then sat down and watched the news.
Looking at each other we laughed and started talking about all the good that came from our rough patch.
You see my friends there are no such things as problems but only opportunities.
It is too easy to continually moan and groan about how life isn't fair.
We took each event that happened and found so many postives that had come from it.
Oh and Simple Delish has a fantastic, easy fish recipe
So Fridays feel good is simple................ It don't matter how much crap ya in there is always some one else with more crap than you! You just take the postives from the negatives and that becomes a feel good moment!
Ok what's yours?

Halloween Tweets!

2011-10-26T11:26:00.002+13:00

Halloween???? Ba! Humbug!

Jabba the Hut Rocks.........

2011-10-26T11:09:00.000+13:00

Can you Move like JABBA?

Sunday Story Time Part 39

2011-10-23T08:58:00.001+13:00

The story starts HERE

King of Dreams

Harry n Down

Howard LakeMinnesota isour next stop.

We hire a 4x4, pack up our stuff, check outand head off.

I open up a brochure.

“Howard Lake is a city in Wright County, inthe Minneapolis-Saint Paul metro area. The community was named afterphilanthropist John Howard The latitude of Howard Lakeis 45.060N. The longitude is -94.073W. It is in the CentralStandard time zone. Elevation is 1,014 feet. The estimated population, in2003, was 1,922.” I read out aloud.

‘Is that it?” Kev asks and then laughs.

“I could read on!” I reply.

We laugh at the thought of having usefulinformation such as longitude and latitude and sea level. Just the sort ofinformation that will certainly get tourists into the area.

“Codgers Cove sounds like a nice place taset up base mate. Just grab a cabin and stay there. I hope that being nearwintertime not many peeps will be there. Might have the whole place toourselves mate.” I say with a gleam in my eye.

“How far Steve?”

“About an hour drive Kev. Somewhere on County Road. Anywayit’s on the lake we can’t miss it.”

“Better stop and pick up some supplies.”Kev suggests. I nod my agreement.

We book in for a week suggesting that wemay stay longer. Mike the manager seems very happy to have a couple of Aussiesonsite and he and his wife are helpful and very friendly.

We unpack and load the supplies into thefridge freezer and cupboards.

Thankfully, the park is relatively emptyexcept for a few people who have seasonal sites.

Kev starts preparing dinner as I decide tohave a bit of a granddad nap.

I awaken to the smell of coffee and somefragrant herbs, thyme I think, being roasted with potatoes, carrots and garlic.

Yum!

“How about we see these friends of yoursand get back home Steve?”

I stretch out and try to take in what Kevhad just said.

“You fed up as well mate?”

There is silence for a short time beforeKev hands me a beer and sits across from me and sips his wine.

“Yep! Totally fed up Steve. Had a greattime and all that but I miss home.” He takes his time and I say nothing.

“I miss the pub, the house, the garden, thesound of the ocean but most of all I miss the feeling of belonging some where.”

Kev’s eyes squint a tad.

“We have so much in our own back yardSteve. You and I are so damn lucky to have what we have. To have been able todo what we have done is great but I am like you tired of it all. I just want togo home. I just wanna sit out side in our garden and entertain our friends.”

He pauses as he takes another sip of wine.

“We may not have much but we do have eachother and of course our close mates.”

Kev gets up and heads back to the kitchen.

He stops and turns to me. “We are on thesame page mate. There’s no place like home aye?”

“Damn right Kev, ya bloody well right!” Islump back in my chair and gaze into the air.

To be continued ................ HERE

Friday Feel Good

2011-10-20T07:00:00.000+13:00

I can't live without this woman who is my rock and a pillar of love and strength!

She is my feel good and not just on Friday's...................

What's your feel good this week?

Child Support Australia

2011-10-19T12:53:00.001+13:00

Warning

This article will contain offensive yet truthful facts.

Child Support Agency Australia (CSA) has and always will be a government department based on the highly successful Nazi SS unit.

They send out beautiful pamphlets telling alsorts on nonsensical nonsense, claim to be there for all parties and when crunch time cometh they flee behind jargon that has been rehearsed since time began.

The claim is that this CSA department wants to make things fairer for all involved yet what they really want is too appear to be fairer nothing more.

Each leaflet I have received has never, I repeated never offered any advice that would assist me in anyway shape or form. This leaflet is blatant propaganda of the worst kind reminding me of the fact that honesty and integrity counts for nothing.

You will pay, we don't care if you are struggling, we are right and you are wrong. Oh and we are going to put a black mark against you name just to make it clear that you are a problem case.

NO we don't make mistakes and even when we do we don't.

I would like to state right from the start I pay my child support and have no problem with them continually reviewing my income and adjusting the payment amount. What I do object too is continually being sent letters saying that I am behind in my payments.

The first time was by a $1000 dollars the next was $400 the third was $600 and this time it's $240.

So why or how does this happen?

It's simple really CSA ask the New Zealand Inland Revenue Department (IRD) for my income information which the IRD tell me takes a 2 day turn around. The CSA then work their magic and come up with a figure they deem to be correct. They then back date it 2 months and send out the paperwork asking you to call them to arrange payment of outstanding balance that you now have incurred.

I make the call and speak to some obnoxious young boy who left the family brain cell at home. I try to explain the problem but I am frustrated by the lack of basic knowledge he has.

All I want to do is find a way to prevent or minimise the constant arrears problem.

The young boys attitude and lack of any interpersonal skills starts to niggle away at me and my frustration starts coming through.

The twat now has his defining moment:- You have to pay and you can't do a thing about it!

I retort:- I am not saying I don't want to pay I am saying I want to put a stop to this problem of back dating.

He must be in his element now:- WE can do whatever we want and we can back date payments and there is nothing you can do about it!

We get the information from IRD and process it as soon as we get it.

I am now confused. So you asked for the information from IRD at the beginning of August and received a reply beginning of October. so you then do the sums and back date it.

What I don't understand is the IRD have a 2 day turn around so you would have had the information at the start of August.

The frustrated young boy then repeats that the information was received at the beginning of October and that it is IRD that is the problem and that it is up to me to sort it out.

Resistance is futile. I realise that this is a pointless excerise. I get my receipt number and hang up.

A few days later I call the IRD and explain the situation.

The young woman asks me to hang on while she cleans up my file.

A few minutes later it is explained to me that when CSA ask for information there is a 2 buisness day turn around and then explained that things were not as bad as I had thought. I just keep paying the adjusted payment and by the time my next payment is due to be sent over to CSA everything will be back to normal.

So now I have to get back to CSA and find out why they leave it so long before getting my information and try to find a solution to this constant problem of incurring back payments.

It is something which I am not looking forward to. No sooner do you question the methods and motives then you get the cold shoulder and bullying tactics.

All I want is the outstanding payment debacle to stop.

Whitesnakes do it better ................. CSA motto Resistance is Futile!

Sunday Story Time Part 38

2011-10-16T11:00:00.001+13:00

The story starts HERE

King of Dreams

Harry N Down

After that breakfast, all I wanted to dowas sleep but Kev insisted that we walk it off.

“Where do you suggest.” I rubbed my nowfull tummy.

“ComoZoo.” A devilish grin appeared on his face.

Too full to argue I agreed.

We finished out tea and coffee then ordereda cab to take us to the Zoo.

For a small zoo there seems to be quite alot to see from the tropical encounters to the more standard zoo exhibits andthen the conservatory with its breath taking Sunken Gardenfull of seasonal flowers in full bloom.

My thoughts float through my head likeclouds on a spring day. Drifting aimlessly here and there but most thoughts areof home.

“Ya ready to head off mate?” Kev’s voicestartles my wandering thoughts.

“Yep.”

The cab ride home is quiet.

The street sounds drift fade in and out.

I can hear horns honking and people yelling.

The cab pulls up outside the hotel and Iget out leaving Kev to pay the fare.

I head straight to the room not eventhinking about what I am doing grab a beer and sit down.

“You ok Steve?”

“Nah mate. I want to go home.”

The silence is broken by Kev cracking opena can of beer.

Then Kev takes a deep breath.

“When do you wanna head off then?”

“Dunno.”

Kev looks over at me as I stare into thenothing.

“How about we catch up with ya friends overhere and then head home? Be a shame to miss seeing them“

“Yep mate that sounds good Kev.” I feel somuch better knowing we are going home.

It does not take long for the atmosphere toreturn to normal. Well normal for us anyway!

Kev never did ask why I wanted to go home.I figure he had some idea though.

To be continued ................................... HERE